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Romeo and Juliet
Two Lord’s Houses
In Verona, Italy is where we start
An old fight still causes mischiefs
And civilians kill other civilians
Born into these 2 families,
A pair of doomed lovers commit suicide
Their terrible fate,
And their death, end their parents fight
The path that led to their doomed love,
And the continued feud,
That only the death could end,
is the story we will tell over the next 2 hours.
If you listen patiently,
We will fill in the blanks of this tale.
Scene 1.Verona. A public place.
Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY, of the house of Capulet, armed with swords
Gregory I am done taking shit from the Montagues
No cause then they will offend you.
If we are offended, then we can fight them.
Yeah? Just don’t stick out your neck to be hanged.
I will attack quickly when provoked.
But you do take a minute to be provoked.
A lowly Montague ass would drive me to a fight
To drive you is to cause you to run. To be brave is to stand and fight!
So you are driven to run away!
That Montague will motivate me to fight: And I will
stand against the wall with a Montague, male or female.
Then you are a weak warrior; for the weakest is against
That’s true and that is why women, being weaker
are pushed up the wall. So I will push
Montague’s men away from the wall, and push his women
up the wall.
The fight is only between the masters and the men.
All the same, I will be vicious: when I
have beaten the men, I will point my sword
on the women.
You would use your sword on the maids?
Of course, either my metal sword or the sword between my legs.
Whatever you think I mean.
They know which you mean when you penetrate them.
And I will penetrate them until I can no longer stand and
Everyone knows I have a pretty piece of flesh.
If a flesh sword is supposed to be wet and active as a fish, then we know your dry shriveled dick
Is pretty terrible. Draw your sword. Here come
two Montague men.
My sword is out: Go fight, I have your back.
Yeah? By running away?
Don’t worry about me.
Of course I worry about you.
Let’s follow the law and make them start it.
I will frown at them and see how that makes them feel.
No. I will flip them off.
Which is humiliating if they ignore it.
Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR
Um. Did you flip us off?
I did point with my middle finger yes.
Did you flip us off?
[Aside to GREGORY] Will the cops side with us if I claim to be taunting them?
No, I don’t flip you off but I do raise my middle finger.
Do you wanna fight?
Fight? Absolutely not
If you do wanna fight, let’s do it! My master is as good as yours.
As good maybe, but not better.
If you say so…
Say our master is better. Here comes one of his knights.
Our master is better!!
If you are really men, fight us. Gregory. Hope you remember how to fight!
Seperate you idiots!
Put your swords away! You don’t know what you are doing..Put the swords down!!
Are you pointing your sword on these harmless servants?
Fight me instead, Benvolio since you know I will win.
I want to keep the peace. Put away your sword.
Or use it to help me break up this fight.
Your sword is out and you are talking of peace. I hate peace.
Like I hate hell, all Montagues, and you:
Fight me coward!
Enter, several of both houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs
First Citizen (Chris)
Everyone strike them. Beat them down.
Down with the Capulets! Down with the Montagues!
Enter CAPULET in his gown, and LADY CAPULET
What’s that sound? You! Get me my sword!
You need a cane. Why do you want your sword?
I said my sword! The Old Lord Montague is coming,
And has his sword out to fight me!
Enter MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE
There is capulet,–Don’t hold me back. Let me fight.
You will not go anywhere if you just want to fight.
Enter PRINCE, with Attendants
You rebels who ruin the peace of my city!
Who use their swords in neighborhoods–
Are they not listening? You stop! You animals!
Who use fighting to calm your harmful anger!!
Even with some of you bleeding!
I will torture any of you who
Do not drop your weapons to the ground,
And listen to what your prince has to say..
3 street fights started,
By you, Capulet, and Montague,
That have disturbed the peace all 3 times,
And have made Verona’s citizens
Remove their civilian clothes,
And to wield up their sword.,
Trying to make peace where you spread hate.
If your men fight in the streets again,
Your lives will pay the price.
For now, everyone go away:
Capulet; you come with me:
And, Montague, come this afternoon,
come to the courthouse
to know what I decide.
If you all don’t leave right now, I will put you to death.
All Exit but MONTAGUE, LADY MONTAGUE, and BENVOLIO
Who started up this fight?
Tell me nephew, were you here when it started?
And your servants were fighting when I got here.
At the moment I pulled out my sword to separate them
The always ready to fight Tybalt, with his sword already out,
Which, as he talked down about you,
He swung his sword above his head,
Which didn’t hurt anyone, but it hissed with his angry words:
While he and I were fighting,
More and more people came from both sides,
Until the prince came and separated us.
Where is Romeo? Have you seen him today?
I am glad he wasn’t in this fight.
Madam, one hour before the sun
Rose in the east,
I awoke troubled and went for a walk;
And underneath the sycamore tree
On the city’s west side,
I saw your son walking too:
I started to walk towards him, when he saw me
And ran off into the forest:
I knew, based on my own thoughts,
That he wanted to be left alone and
Followed my instinct to not follow him,
And was happy to shun someone who ran from me
He has a been seen there many mornings,
Crying onto the fresh morning dew.
Adding more clouds using his sighs;
But as soon as the cheer from the sun
begins to show in the east
To remove the curtain of night,
My son returns home,
And goes to his bedroom,
Closes the blinds on his windows, to block light out
To continue to exist in his fake night:
Dark thoughts will continue in his head,
Unless he gets some good advice.
Noble uncle, do you know why he’s upset?
I don’t know and he won’t tell me.
Have you asked him?
I have and so have many other people:
But he, giving himself emotional advice,
Is keeping to himself –I cannot say how much–
But only he knows what is so secret,
He is so far from helping himself,
Like a flower bud,
He needs to open up to the world,
And see the sun for once.
If we knew what was wrong.
We would be more willing to help.
Well here he come, if you want;
I will find out what’s bothering him.
I wish you luck,
To find out what’s wrong. Come on madam, let’s go.
Exit MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE
Good morning, cousin.
Is it that early?
The clock just chimed for 9.
Oh no! Sadness makes time drag on.
Was that my dad who just left quickly?
It was. What is the sadness that drags your days?
Not having something that makes the day go quickly.
Are you in love?
Out of sight of the girl who I am in love with.
Oh man. That kind of love, that love
which overrules a person and is rough!
This love, who has blurred my vision,
has allowed me to see without eyes!
What should we eat? Oh shit! Where did this cut come from?
Nevermind I already know.
That came from hate but my pain hurts more it is from love.
Why does love hurt and is fighting fun!
Love comes from nothing!
Love is a heavy air! A serious lie!
It is ugly chaos in a beautiful body!
Love is a lead feather, bright smoke, cold fire,
Sleep while being awake!
This love I feel does not make me feel loved.
Do you not laugh at me?
No Cousin I would rather cry..
Cry? At what?
At your heart’s sadness.
Why, that is how true love is.
Though my sadness sits heavily is in my chest,
You want to make me talk
To you which will only
make me sadder?
Love is smoke made sighs.
When the smoke is gone, it burns eyes;
That can only be washed away with tears
What else is love? It is a careful madness,
It is choking on candy.
Wait! I am coming too;
And if you leave, then you will desert me.
I can’t do you wrong; I am not myself;
I am not Romeo, he’s somewhere else.
Even though you’re sad tell me who you love.
Why you want me to whine and tell you?
But tell me who.
Are you trying to convince a sick man to write his will?
It will just make him feel sicker.
Sadly, I am in love with a woman.
I assumed you were in love.
A good guess. And she is beautiful.
Then cousin you should be able to woo her.
Well in that guess you miss, she’ll not be won
With love; she is like the virgin goddess Diana;
And, she is set to stay chaste,
She can avoid Cupid’s arrow .
She will not be won with words,
Or won by appearance,
Or won with god that can corrupt a saint:
She is gorgeous, and the rest of the world suffers
Since she will not pass the beauty to children.
So she has already sworn to be a virgin.
She has and she is wasting
Her beauty. She is
Denying the future her genes.
Since she is too smart and beautiful,
It is no shock I am depressed:
She has given up love and because of that
I am now a dead man walking.
Listen to me, Just don’t think about her.
Well then teach me how to stop thinking.
By using your eyes;
Look at other beautiful women.
But that is the way
To realize how beautiful she is:
The fake smiles women put on,
Are hypnotic to men;
Even if a woman blinds him, a man cannot forget
The beautiful face:
If you show me a relatively pretty woman,
What should she show me? Other than to say,
How beautiful Rosaline is?
Goodbye, you can’t make me forget her..
I will prove you wrong or die in your debt.
SCENE 2. A street.
Enter CAPULET, PARIS, and PETER
Montague will be punished same as me
But it will not be harsh,
Since he and I are the old men to keep peace.
Both of you are honorable men;
It is sad you two have been enemies for so long.
But back to our original conversation, what do you think of my idea?
I will say what I have said before:
My child is still very young;
She is not even 14 years old,
Let her be single for 2 more summers,
Then she will be ready to marry.
Women younger than her have already had children.
And they are too young .
My other children buried in the ground, except her,
She is my everything:
But you can try and woo her.
She will do what I say mostly but
She also need to make her own choice
As long as she and I agree.
Tonight I am having a feast,
Where I am inviting many people,
That I like and you will also be invited,
The more the merrier.
Tonight, we will be in my house
With the stars in the sky:
Which is the best time for young men
At the end of April
With winter finally being fully removed
Women are like flowers that bloom at night.
In my house we will see all types of men,
And they will all try to woo her:
But I will only vouch for you.
Many men can ask me for her and I won’t let any have her,
Let’s go now.
To PETER, giving a paper
Sir, go around
Through all of Verona; find the people
On the list, and invite them
To my house to stay awhile.
Exit CAPULET and PARIS
I must find the people whose names are written here! Also It is written here that a shoemaker make dresses that a seamstress makes shoes, as well as a painter catches fish and a fisherman draws; Anyway I need to find the people written here, and I have no way to read what is written here. I must find someone who is literate.– Here soon!
Enter BENVOLIO and ROMEO
Hey, another love can help you get over this one
Like how you worry less about your sadness when your friend is sad;
And when you are dizzy from spinning around, just turn the other way;
You can get over this by moving on:
Find someone else to catch your eye,
And everything terrible about the other will end.
Drugs should fix that.
What will it fix?
When you hurt your shin.
Romeo are you crazy?
No I am not crazy but I am thinking more than a mad man;
I am kept prisoner to my own head without food,
I am tortured and beat and… Oh hello sir.
Good after noon, Excuse me can you read?
Yes, I can read my future using my misery.
But you could have learned that without a book, but I mean can you read anything that you see?
If I know the language and letters I can.
Thanks for being honest, good-bye
Wait. Wait. I can read
‘Signior Martino and his wife and daughters;
County Anselme and his sisters;
the lady widow of Vitravio;
Signior Placentio and his lovely nieces;
Mercutio and his brother Valentine;
Mine uncle Capulet, his wife and daughters;
my fair niece Rosaline;
Signior Valentio and his cousin
Tybalt, Lucio and the lively Helena.’
That’s alot of people. Where are they invited?
To supper at our house.
Of course. That should have been my first question.
Now I will tell you, my master is the
great rich Capulet; and if you’re not a Montagues,
Please come and have a glass of wine
Have a good day!
Rosaline will be at Capulet’s party
Who you apparently love so much,
There will also be other beautiful women:
Let’s go to the party and
Compare her to the women I pick
And I will make you think your swan, Rosaline, to be a crow.
When you love as religiously as I do,
You will understand how wrong you are,
And your tears will burn;
And those who don’t die when drowned,
These heretics to love, will be burned!
You lie if you think there is anyone more beautiful than Rosaline! Even the sun, that sees all,
Hasn’t seen someone as beautiful as her since the beginning of time.
You only thought she was pretty because no one else was around.,
It is easy to be confident in your eyes when alone:
But compare her
Your love, Rosaline to another woman
I find at the party,
And she will be nothing even if you think she is everything now.
I will go, not because I believe you,
But to prove you wrong.
SCENE 3. A room in Capulet’s house.
Enter LADY CAPULET and Nurse
Nurse, where’s my daughter? Nurse go get her.
I swear on my virginity I had when I was twelve,
I asked her to come. What is it girl?
What the hell! Where is she?
Oh who is calling me?
What do you want?
I need to talk to you:–Nurse, can you leave,
We must talk in private:–nurse, come back;
I remembered, we need your opinion.
You know how important my daughter’s age is.
I know how old she is to the hour.
Well she is almost fourteen.
I will bet 14 of my teeth,–
Though I only have 4 teeth–
That she is almost 14 years old. How long is it
Til August 1st?
2 weeks and a few days.
She will be fourteen on July 31st.
Susan who is gone and Juliet
Were the same age: and Susan is with God;
She was too good for me: anyway,
On July 31st, she will be fourteen
Then she will marry; I remember it well.
There was an earthquake eleven years ago;
The same day she stopped breastfeeding,–I never will forget it,–
Of all the days of the year, that day:
For I was cleaning my breasts with the herb wormwood,
Sitting outside under a birdhouse.
You and you husband were in Mantua:–
I remember it all:–but, anyway,
When your daughter tasted the wormwood
On my breast and realized it was bitter,
She was irritated and let go of my breast!
The earthquake then shook the birdhouse: and without any hesitation
I ran inside:
And that was eleven years ago;
And at that point, she could stand,
And she could walk and run around;
And she could before I met her:
And then my husband–God rest his soul!
And it was a happy soul, picked up your daughter:
“Well” He said to the grumpy child “Did you fall on your face?
When you are smarter you will lay on your back;
Will you not, Jule?’ and, by God,
Juliet left crying and said Yes.’
It is so funny to think about now
I swear even in a thousand years,
I will never forget it: ‘Will you not, Jule?’ he said;
And, your foolish pretty daughter hesitated and said “Yes”
Please shut up.
Of course ma’am: except I can’t stop laughing,
To think she would run away and say “Yes”
And also she had a bump on her forehead
As big as a rooster’s balls;
And she cried:
“Well” Said my husband “Did you fall on your face?
You will be on you back when you are of marrying age.
Will you not, Jule?’ she hesitated and said ‘Yes.’
Please Nurse I am asking you to stop too.
Alright, I’m done. God bless you!
You were the prettiest baby I nursed:
And if I get to see you married,
My life will be complete.
Speaking of, marriage is what
I wanted to talk about. My daughter, Juliet,
What do you think about marriage?
I don’t really think about that honor.
An honor! If I wasn’t the only person to nurse you,
I would say you had sucked wisdom from my nipple.
Well, let’s think about marriage, women younger than you
In Verona, women of high standing,
Are made already mothers: If I remember,
I was a mother at your age
And you are still a virgin. After all that is said:
It seems Paris wants you to love him.
A man, young lady! He’s a real man
Of the world–why, he looks sculpted from wax.
He is prettier than any flower here during the summer.
He is a mighty flower, such a flower.
What do you think? Can you love him?
Tonight you shall see him at the party;
Read Paris’s face,
And find the beauty drawn on it;
Examine every feature,
And see how they work together,
And if you see anything imperfect,
Look into his eyes.
His love for you
Will make him more beautiful to you:
You should feel pride
His appearance matches yours:
Many eyes will be looking at him,
And his status;
So you can gain his status,
And by having him you won’t be any less.
Any less! no, bigger; women tend to increase in size from men, for about 9 months.
So, can you try to love Paris?
I will try to love him:
But no more
Than what I have permission to.
Ma’am your guests are here, dinner is all done, you were called for, Juliet was asked for, the nurse scolded in the pantry, and we have so much everything. I must leave; Please, come on.
Juliet, don’t forget Paris.
Go, girl, find a man to make your days and nights happy.
SCENE 4. A street.
Enter ROMEO, MERCUTIO, BENVOLIO, with five or six Maskers, Torch-bearers, and others
What is our excuse for being here?
Or should we go in unapologetically?
We don’t need any excuse:
No Cupid will sneak us in
Bearing his bow,
Keeping the ladies away;
And no entrance speech
To prompt us:
They can use what they like to judge us;
Then we will dance a few songs and leave.
Give me the flashlight: I am not up for partying;
So I don’t ruin it for you I will stay outside.
No you have to dance.
I don’t dance, you dance
Very well: My shoes become heavy
And plant me in one spot.
You are a lover; see if you can borrow Cupid’s wings,
And dance with the rest of us.
I am still too hurt by cupid’s arrow
To use his feather and on the ground
I can’t even jump from sadness:
Love’s burden is heavy on my shoulders.
And you should be heavy on love’s shoulders then!
You are too sad for such a wonderful thing.
Is love wonderful? it is rough,
Rude and wild, and it hurts like thorns.
If love is rough with you, be rough with love;
Hurt love for hurting you, and you can beat love.
Give me a mask:
A cover for a mask! What do I care?
Who cares about imperfections?
All the women should blush at me.
Let’s knock and go in,
Come on stand up.
I will stay outside: Let light women
While I stay still like an old man;
I will keep watch.
Love isn’t fair so I am done.
Psh, You boring mouse, police are out:
If you are lame, we will pull you from the swamp
Of this love, where you are stuck
Up to the ears. Come on it is getting late!
No it is already late.
I mean, it is late compared to the start of the party
Our lamps are going out like the sun at dusk.
You know what we mean, for you understand us
Most other times.
I know it is supposed to be fun going to this party;
But it isn’t a good idea.
Why, may I ask?
I had a dream.
So did I.
Well, what was yours?
That dreamers often lie.
In bed asleep, where their dreams are true.
Well, then, I see Queen Mab has been with you.
She is a nurse to fairies, and she is
no bigger than a crystal
For someone’s finger,
She has a carriage drawn by skeletons
That lands on men’s noses while they sleep;
Her wagon-spokes are made of spiders’ legs,
The cover of the wagon is wings of grasshoppers,
And traces of spider’s web,
Decorated with moon beams,
Her whip is cricket’s bone,
Her driver is a small grey gnat,
No bigger than a little worm
Off the finger of a lazy woman;
Her chariot is an empty hazelnut
Emptied by squirrels or bugs,
It is the best from the fairies wagons.
And like that she rides around every night
Through lovers’ brains, and then they dream of love;
Courtmen, that dream of court,
Or lawyers who dream of money,
Or ladies, who dream of being kissed,
But if Mab is angry ,
Then their dreams are tainted:
Or other times for the courtman,
He dreams of a new suit;
And sometimes she will use an offering pig
To tickle the sleeping pastor’s nose,
Then he dreams of more offerings:
Sometimes she gets a soldier’s neck,
And he dreams of killing his foes,
Of breaches, ambushes, Spanish blades,
Of alcohol; and then he hears
Drums, and then he wakes,
And being scared says a prayer
And sleeps again. It is all Mab
That mats horses manes in the night,
And makes the hair stand up,
Hair once untangled, a complete mess:
This is the hag, when women sleep on their backs,
Gives her sex dreams and teaches her to create
And carry a child:
You’re not saying anything
True, I’m talking about dreams,
Which come from an empty brain,
And are born from nothing but fantasy,
They are thinner than air
And more consistent than the wind, who
Keeps the north cold at the end of summer,
And, when the wind is angry,
It moves more south.
This wind, has pulled us off track;
They are done eating, we need to go in.
My mind still worried
That something bad
Bitterly beginning tonight
That will cause my
My vile and untimely death.
But my friends have convinced me,
Let’s go! You thirsty gentlemen.
Play Band!! .
SCENE 5. A hall in Capulet’s house.
Musicians waiting. Enter Servingmen with napkins
First Servant (Sophia)
Where’s the dishwasher, where did he go? He should be helping us!
Second Servant (Tori)
He had to go wash his foul hands.
Remove the stools, and
the sidetable, see the plate. Well good
At least you can do something; and, as you love me, go get Susan, Grindstone, Nell,
Antony, and Potpan!
They are looking for you in the main hall.
We can’t be in both places? Come on men; hurry up and let their livers enjoy themselves.
Enter CAPULET, with JULIET and others of his house, meeting the Guests and Maskers
Welcome, gentlemen! Ladies who have toes
With no warts I call on you.
Ah ha you lovely ladies! Who will now
Deny me a dance? The dainty one,
I’ll swear, has warts; am I heading the right way?
Welcome, gentlemen! I miss the days
I wore a mask and
Flirted with a fair maid,
All I wanted: but that’s over, that’s over, that’s over;
Enjoy, gentlemen! Come on, musicians, play.
Fill the hall and make room. Dance girls!
Music plays, and they dance
We need more light and move the tables,
And turn down the fire, the room is too hot.
Ah sir it has been awhile.
Come sit cousin Capulet;
Since we are too old to dance:
How long is it now since last yourself and I
Wore a mask?
If I remember right, 30 years.
Really?! It’s not been that long:
It was at Lucentio’s wedding,
About 25 years ago, we wore masks.
It’s more than that, his son is older, sir;
His son is thirty.
His son was my ward 2 years ago.
[To a Servingman] Who is the lady over there, who is holding the hand
Of that knight?
I don’t know, sir.
She is brighter than a torch!
She hangs in night,
Like an earring from Ethiopia;
She is too beautiful for money or this earth!
She is a dove in a group of crows,
She shines so bright.
When this song is done I will find her,
And I will touch her blessed hand.
Have I ever loved before? No!
For I haven’t ever seen beauty before tonight.
I know this should be a Montague by his voice.
Get my sword, boy. How dare he
Come here, covered in a mask,
To ruin our party?
Now, to honor my family,
I know killing him isn’t a sin.
Hey Tybalt! Why are you so angry?
Uncle, He is a Montague, our enemy ,
He came to ruin the party,
And to laugh at us.
Is it the young Romeo?
It is the villain Romeo.
Relax Cousin and leave him alone;
He isn’t causing any issues;
And, everyone in Verona speaks highly of him
He is virtuous and has manners:
I wouldn’t have him killed here for all the town’s wealth
It is rude to kill a guest:
So ignore him and have fun:
I command you,
And remove your frowns,
And enjoy the feast.
I frown since our guest is a villian:
I won’t stand for this.
He is a good kid and I say leave him alone;
Remember I am the master here
You won’t just stand for him! I swear!
You will upset my guest!
You will set an example! you’ll be a man!
Uncle, why? This is shameful.
You are a hot head aren’t you?
This may shame you, I know:
But you must listen to me! Oh my! It’s time.
Let’s start! You are a cocky asshole, go:
Hush or– We need more light! How dare you!
I’ll keep you quiet! Wonderful, my loves!
This patience is killing me
Them being here is making my flesh crawl.
I will hold back but only for now
And I will let this anger grow.
[To JULIET] Even if I have an unworthy hand,
Compared to your hand, you are still gentle:
My lips are ready
To relax you with a kiss.
Oh sir, you let your hand do too much,
What is compelling you to do this;
We can touch palms even if you are worthy,
And palm to palm is a holy kiss.
Can’t lips be a holy kiss?
Only if those lips are kissing a prayer.
Then let’s let our lips do what hands do;
They pray, and if not, faith is lost.
Saints only pray when they need to.
Then don’t do anything, while I pray.
I will use your lips to remove my sins.
He kisses her
Then my lips have your sin.
Sin from my lips? We can’t have that!
Give me my sin back.
He kisses her again
You’re a wonderful kisser.
Ma’am, your mother needs you.
Who is her mother?
Her mother is the lady of this house,
And she is a wise, virtuous and good lady
I am the nurse of the girl who you were talking to;
I am telling you, anyone who gets her
Will be the luckiest man.
Is she a Capulet?
Oh shit! I owe my love to my enemy.
Come on, let’s leave while the party is at its best.
Of course, that will make me more restless.
No guys don’t leave;
There is so much party left.
Is it that late? l guess it is, then thank you
Thank you men; good night.
More light here! Come on then, let’s go to bed.
Ah sir, it is very late:
I’ll go rest.
All Exit but JULIET and Nurse
Come here, nurse. Who is that gentleman?
That’s Tiberio’s son.
Who is that going out the door?
Oh I think that is young Petrucio.
Who is it that follows him, that wouldn’t dance?
I don’t know.
Go ask him his name: if he is married,
My grave is going to be my wedding bed.
His name is Romeo, and he’s a Montague;
The only son of your enemy.
My only love born from my only hate!
I shouldn’t have fallen in love without knowing his name!
It is strange that I love,
Such a tremendous enemy.
What? what’s this?
I learned that saying
From someone I danced with.
Someone is calling for me.
Let’s go; the strangers are gone.